Tag Archives: gym etiquette

Clothing Guidelines for Men…

-Written by Sara Fanous (awesome runner and close friend)

Mens Shorts

No no no no no. No.

You may ask yourself why these guidelines are being posted on a women’s running blog…I wish I had a good answer.  Maybe I am just looking for an “amen sister!” Maybe I am hoping that, together, we can come up with an appropriate way to communicate and enforce these rules? (I am thinking Presidential Proclamation would be an appropriate next step…) Maybe, I just need to get this off my chest.

I was next to a guy on the treadmills today and his shorts were shorter than mine….NOT COOL!  I spent my entire run terrified the whole time that something was going to jump out at me!  In those moments of fear, I decided that I could be silent on this issue NO LONGER!  I am a firm believer that the short-shorts for men belong exactly where they came from …in pictures, circa 1972.  I realize, however, this is not always possible(?!)….that there may be a set of circumstance where they are needed in today’s day and age(?!).  OK.  So if this HAS to happen, can we not lay out some rules or criteria that men would need to meet in order to get into said short shorts?  I think yes.  So, without further ado, here are my rules of thumb for men’s exercise attire…specifically…for the lower half….feel free to make your own additions as you see fit!

1. Men should NEVER wear shorts shorter than their girlfriend, wife, etc. NEVER. EVER.

2. There should be a qualifying time to get into shorts that are more than 6 inches above the knee. I am throwing out a 7 minute mile pace, but I could be convinced to go lower. My rationale is simple. I figure at a sub-7 minute mile pace you are:

a. faster than most women. Therefore, you will not be running side by side with us for long periods of time (as long as we are talking outdoor running), so we won’t be spending our entire run petrified that there could be a sighting of something…unfortunate…and

b. the women that are running sub-7 minute miles with these pant-less-wonders are too hardcore about running to really care and/or notice if your business would happen to make an appearance…let’s still all pray that never happens.

3. If you are on a treadmill, no short shorts – no matter how fast you are. You are just training. The extra 6 inches of fabric isn’t going to kill you and it IS going to make the person next to you much more comfortable. Trust me.

4. In the scenario where you met the time requirements in #2 above or are just flat-out in violation of rules #1-3, if nothing else, please follow this rule…it is for the safety of us all….Embrace a snugger fit undergarment for exercise purposes. You don’t need to rock your Dad’s tighty-whities. Undies have come a long way and there are options. You should look into it. I don’t want to have to worry about your stuff coming loose and neither should you! Secure it.

5. The fit of your shorts matters. Again, I refer you to the girlfriend rule referenced in #1 above. If your girlfriend would wear shorts of similar tightness, they are too tight for you! There should be no hugging…of stuff…Let me make something very clear! Men – contrary to what you may think in your testosterone infested brains, I don’t want to see it. I don’t find it sexy if I can see it. I find it strange and it makes me uncomfortable and want to shower. Wear some looser shorts man.

In related news, I have developed a new training program! This program is guaranteed to help you hit the PR you have been dreaming of (and get a certain someone qualified for Boston). The program is simple. Get a pack of these short-shorted men and let them chase you. Repeat for desired results.

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Filed under Lessons Learned, Rules of the Road, Training

Locker Room Etiqutte (for the ladies)…

Today and this week, I am handing over the blog to my first guest blogger and close friend Sara Fanous! Before I let her begin, let me tell you about her.  Sara and I became friends in high school when we both ran Cross Country.  Fast forward 20 years (a wedding and some kids) and we still share this common bond. She is an incredible runner that is probably the most determined person I know.  Nothing ever stops her.  I could go on for hours but you’re here to read her story so here it goes…..

lcoker room

OK Ladies, we have all been there – a locker room experience that leaves us slightly scarred and even anxious about returning.  Sadly, I fell victim to one of those situations today, which only left me with the overwhelming urge to write this down…send out a plea to women everywhere…we must put an end to senseless locker room tragedies!!!  What you are about to read is my story, a real story, and my call to action for all of you readers….

Every day I spend my lunch break running in a tiny gym located in the basement of my office building.  It is my mini-vacation in the middle of my day.  It is my escape.  It is my sacred time of day.  This itty-bitty gym is equipped with a few treadmills, an elliptical, and a couple of bikes, some weights and a teeny locker room.  It’s nothing fancy, but it’s enough.  So I was down in the locker room today when the following chain of events unfolded…

Another woman walks in while I am getting changed in the locker room.  I have never seen her down there before…here is my question….do you say hi, or not?  We are the only two people in there and we are both about to get naked.  I am not saying you have to buy me dinner and a drink or anything, but our Special Parts are both about to come out…I think a “hi” is totally appropriate.  So, I take the plunge. I give her my best “I am a nice girl and not a weird-o smile” and a very cheerful “hi!”  She looks right at me….no response.  OK, so now shit just got real, ‘cause I am about to be naked…and so is she…and I am convinced she might be a serial killer…or at least a very mean girl. I mean, who doesn’t say “hi” back?!?  What kind of a person does that?? So now what?  Do I grab my stuff and go change in a bathroom stall, because if she isn’t going to say “hi” to me, then she sure doesn’t deserve to see my bare bum!!…Or do I pretend this never happened and change as fast as possible, (while trying to cover myself up because this is all very awkward now) avoid eye contact, and run out of there?  UGH!  I went with plan B.  I changed at lighting-speed and ran out of the locker room and directly onto the nearest treadmill (forgetting my knee brace in the locker room, which I am now paying for, but there was no chance in hell I was going back for it).

So, OF COURSE, she ends her workout at the same time I do!!  45 sweaty minutes later, we are back in the SAME TERRIBLE SITUATION again only worse!  She has already ignored me once and here we are again!  GRRRR!!!!  This all wouldn’t be SOOOO painful if there were others around to buff us, but NOPE – just this chick and me.  So now I am left showering, blow-drying and dressing all in totally uncomfortable we-aren’t-speaking-to-each-other silence! At this point, all I can think is, “What did I ever do to you?  I just said HI!!!  I know, I know, I have some nerve being polite and saying hi!!!  And by the way, are you really that mad at me, or is that just your natural face??” AND OF COURSE SHE IS A NAKED BLOW-DRYER!!!  (You know the kind – she can’t be troubled by wrapping a towel around herself while she blow dries…she insists on doing it butt naked!)  LADY- WE ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN HERE AND YOU ARE GIVING ME THE SILENT TREATMENT BUTT NAKED!!!  PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND STOP BEING A B*!!!

As female runners/exercise enthusiasts, can’t we all just agree to extend common courtesies to each other like saying “hello” and not being B*s? We don’t have to be best friends, just be cordial please! And for the love of all things, don’t be a B* and boycott towel usage all at once…it is TOO MUCH!!  JUST TOO MUCH!!!!!  Please ladies.  Stop the insanity.  Wear a towel.  Say hello.  The End.

A blog post for the men is coming this week by Sara!

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Filed under Lessons Learned, Rules of the Road